Sunday, February 19, 2017
...
does anyone ever even read this, or am I just talking into the void? Sometims I wonder. I don't even know why I even keep coming back to this place. why do even write at all? I just don't know.
it's been awhile.
It's been awhile. but when has that ever stopped me? I feel like writing, and I haven't written in a long time. Even if my words are crap, I can't help but put them down. It's like my past self is whispering to me, asking: what happened? where did I go?
Much has happened over the years, much has changed. My family grew apart. I started working at subway. I became an Orthodox Christian. I met a wonderful woman, and became engaged. Life moves so quickly I have to stop and wonder where the time went.
Am I the same person I was years ago? I know the answer is yes, but not quite. I've changed. My dreams have changed. I've matured, and i'd like to think that's a good thing.
But at heart I'm still the same. Still weak. Still stupid. Still making mistakes. Still learning. Still can't craft a decent sentence, much less a decent article to convey my thoughts.
I think all of us are still learning, and we have so far to go. Bet we're only alone if we think we're alone. There are so many people on the same path, and there are so many people who have gone before us, so much wisdom to guide us, so many great words passed down by the Church and by the Holy men and women who went before us.
An entire world is waiting if we care to reach beyond ourselves.
Much has happened over the years, much has changed. My family grew apart. I started working at subway. I became an Orthodox Christian. I met a wonderful woman, and became engaged. Life moves so quickly I have to stop and wonder where the time went.
Am I the same person I was years ago? I know the answer is yes, but not quite. I've changed. My dreams have changed. I've matured, and i'd like to think that's a good thing.
But at heart I'm still the same. Still weak. Still stupid. Still making mistakes. Still learning. Still can't craft a decent sentence, much less a decent article to convey my thoughts.
I think all of us are still learning, and we have so far to go. Bet we're only alone if we think we're alone. There are so many people on the same path, and there are so many people who have gone before us, so much wisdom to guide us, so many great words passed down by the Church and by the Holy men and women who went before us.
An entire world is waiting if we care to reach beyond ourselves.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
A bit behind.
Yeah, I haven't posted in a while. As I'm sure some might be disappointed to find, this was not because I'm dead. No, it was because of stuff and things.
Anyway. It's been awhile. There were a lot of things, things done and left undone, and I'm behind on a lot of things—especially, I feel, blogging. Thus this post has sprang forth from the mysterious nebulae of my creativity, which of late has been rather in the mood to not shine.
I am doing NaNoWrimo (As I am wont to do.), and—also as I am wont to do—I'm not doing so well. (Seriously, I'm beginning to think 2010 was a fluke, beginners luck.)
The first two days were good—not stellar, mind you, but still good. I got to 4k relatively quickly, but then came to the realization that the words I'd been chasing were a false thread. (Inner editor, not inner haggler. The latter is an evil adversary, but I actually advocate listening to the former, even when walking in NaNoLand. But maybe that's why I fail so much…) So I stopped, fleshed out the characters a little, defining them better, and an outline appeared in my mind like developing film. Then I started writing, using only the opening scene from the original.
Now my problem is that I'm torn between following the outline and not. Mind you, I know the outline has holes, it's imperfect. My vision of the story at the time I made it was, and still is, incomplete. Some things are wrong, some things will change. Some characters might be cut, some will be adapted. Even so, I pushed forward in spite of the doubt.
That's when the Evil Inner-Haggler hit me, striking through said doubt. Crafty he was, but his tactics are known (now). Disguised as Trusty Inner-Editor, he insults and tears down. "This is terrible," he says, without ever offering a reason why or how to fix it. "You're ruining the story," he says, no matter which path I try to go down. In listening to him, my word count has been severely slowed.
Still, now that I'm aware, surely it should be easy to move on? Oh, I wish. You see, knowing he's there, lurking, has made it even more difficult to trust myself. How do I know if this is the right path? How do I know if what I've already written is the right path? To top it off, I've been sharing my words as I type them up, adding pressure I—foolish me—thought would help.
It took me awhile, but I think I've been given the solution: continue from a latter thread, then connect things afterwords and fix whatever problems arise when I'm holding an entire manuscript. Miss Inner-Editor's advice. It's something that occurred to me before, but got shouted down by Evil Inner-Haggler telling me: it doesn't matter, it'll sill be terrible. The fact that I listened is just another example of me cowardly giving in to the course of inaction.
I have yet to fully silence my doubts, but I'll work through them with skill and tenacity, which is what being a writer is all about. After all words have been said, writing is still work.
So that's been my highly stressful last couple of weeks, but it could've been worse. A bit of prayer, a bit of critical thinking, and I'm back on two feet. Thanks, and here's praying that I want fall down again:
Go mbeannaí Dia duit,
M. S.
Anyway. It's been awhile. There were a lot of things, things done and left undone, and I'm behind on a lot of things—especially, I feel, blogging. Thus this post has sprang forth from the mysterious nebulae of my creativity, which of late has been rather in the mood to not shine.
I am doing NaNoWrimo (As I am wont to do.), and—also as I am wont to do—I'm not doing so well. (Seriously, I'm beginning to think 2010 was a fluke, beginners luck.)
The first two days were good—not stellar, mind you, but still good. I got to 4k relatively quickly, but then came to the realization that the words I'd been chasing were a false thread. (Inner editor, not inner haggler. The latter is an evil adversary, but I actually advocate listening to the former, even when walking in NaNoLand. But maybe that's why I fail so much…) So I stopped, fleshed out the characters a little, defining them better, and an outline appeared in my mind like developing film. Then I started writing, using only the opening scene from the original.
Now my problem is that I'm torn between following the outline and not. Mind you, I know the outline has holes, it's imperfect. My vision of the story at the time I made it was, and still is, incomplete. Some things are wrong, some things will change. Some characters might be cut, some will be adapted. Even so, I pushed forward in spite of the doubt.
That's when the Evil Inner-Haggler hit me, striking through said doubt. Crafty he was, but his tactics are known (now). Disguised as Trusty Inner-Editor, he insults and tears down. "This is terrible," he says, without ever offering a reason why or how to fix it. "You're ruining the story," he says, no matter which path I try to go down. In listening to him, my word count has been severely slowed.
Still, now that I'm aware, surely it should be easy to move on? Oh, I wish. You see, knowing he's there, lurking, has made it even more difficult to trust myself. How do I know if this is the right path? How do I know if what I've already written is the right path? To top it off, I've been sharing my words as I type them up, adding pressure I—foolish me—thought would help.
It took me awhile, but I think I've been given the solution: continue from a latter thread, then connect things afterwords and fix whatever problems arise when I'm holding an entire manuscript. Miss Inner-Editor's advice. It's something that occurred to me before, but got shouted down by Evil Inner-Haggler telling me: it doesn't matter, it'll sill be terrible. The fact that I listened is just another example of me cowardly giving in to the course of inaction.
I have yet to fully silence my doubts, but I'll work through them with skill and tenacity, which is what being a writer is all about. After all words have been said, writing is still work.
So that's been my highly stressful last couple of weeks, but it could've been worse. A bit of prayer, a bit of critical thinking, and I'm back on two feet. Thanks, and here's praying that I want fall down again:
Lord be with me as I write,
Guide my pen and be my light.
Grant to me the faith to trust,
To do what I must.
In writing as in life,
Help me to use my gifts
For You.
Go mbeannaí Dia duit,
M. S.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe
Posts
All Comments